Colin Powell Saved My Sanity

One of my best friends scolded me this week for my shameful reaction to my son earning an F on his report card. I deserved every bit of the criticism. When I opened his report card, I went berserk. It was the classic not guilty “by reason of mental disease or defect” moment that is described on all of the Law & Order shows. The walls started closing in, my ears started ringing, I started saying things I’m too ashamed to repeat (thank God Max was still at school). I blamed my heavy travel schedule, too much TV, my husband, the school, my long commute, his DS, too many Oreos, Cartoon Network, winter, moving to NJ!

As usual, my husband told me to calm down. “He’s in second grade. He’s not applying for colleges next year. What’s the big deal?” OK, it was ON! My breaking point was coming and in my head I was preparing my legal defense for throwing a big object at his head. “You better calm down before Max comes home. You’re going to scare him and he’s going to hate school.” Checkmate! I knew that my own baggage of being a perfectionist was totally coloring the situation. Layered on top of that, it underscored that all of my children were not going to be like me; a neurotic self-starter that was too afraid to bring anything less than a B home to my strict parents.

The grade was a result of him not completing a writing journal. I asked him why he didn’t finish it. He told me that “writing is too hard.” I could hear myself subconsciously channeling my father with stories of striving to be the best and not giving up just because something is hard. He looked at me, nervous and on the verge of tears. My disappointment was filling up every inch of space in the room. My husband came to the doorway and ushered him out. I’ve been uneasy all summer. I could not reconcile my need to get my kids to make education a primary focus while also giving them a chance to have a balanced, neurosis-free childhood.

Colin Powell did the full hour on Larry King last night. On the segment, he talked about being a poor student and having his family constantly push him to do well in school. He said that his family expected him to go to college, it was not a discussion. He reluctantly enrolled at New York City College and graduated with a 2.0. He earned his highest grades in ROTC (Reserve Officers’ Training Corps) and upon recognizing his talent for strategic planning, problem solving and leadership, he joined the military. He went on to become the first African American on the Joint Chiefs of Staff, National Security Advisor and most recently Secretary of State. Not bad for a mediocre student. The interview gave me the much needed perspective that I’ve been searching for all summer. Motherhood. You never know where the next teachable moment will come from.

Taking it for the Team

Is it just me or is Ann Curry always getting the short end of the stick on The Today Show? This week, Al Roker and Matt Lauer have the “dangerous and challenging” assignment of wearing God awful Hawaiian shirts on Today Goes on Vacation, live from Key West Florida. Cut to Al and Matt drinking Margaritas, Matt peddling a Rickshaw type bike with Al chillin’ in the back and Al blending Margaritas (such engrossing TV).

Last November, The Today Show sent Ann Curry to Mount Kilimanjaro for the Ends of the Earth program. While I get that it was probably an amazing experience, it was painful to watch her suffer from altitude sickness, gasp for air while she continued to educate the audience about the expedition, and in the end have to quit short of the summit. While Ann is running from killing field to war zone, visiting countries like Darfur, Rwanda, Baghdad and Afghanistan, her co-anchors are jaunting around the U.S. to do Golden Globe post-show coverage, a tour of Neverland Ranch and a behind the scenes tour of Churchill Downs.

In addition to Ann Curry’s morning duties, she is also an anchor on Dateline and sits in for Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News. Really, is this some kind of sick hazing ritual known only to NBC news employees? Why can’t my Emmy Award winning Asian sister get a few assignments that allow her to sit and drink a few margaritas every once in awhile? I’m just sayin’…

Moms Gone Wild

For all you voyeurs, there is no accompanying photography with this article so if you want to drop off now, I’ll wait. OK, for those who’ve stayed, I was just sitting here thinking that I never remember my mom going out dancing when I was a kid. In fact, there were no girls nights out, no trips to get mani-pedi with her friends and no long weekend Yoga retreats. She was all about the “need to do” and her life revolved around her four kids. It’s funny to think that I’m exactly where she once was. Times have certainly changed. It makes me appreciate her everyday and twice on Sundays.

I just got back from two weeks of work meetings where I was with some of the brightest, most fun, most energetic women I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. We worked hard during the day, stealing away to call our kids, husbands or boyfriends during breaks and before dinner. We spent the evenings laughing, telling stories, and dancing up a storm. When I say dance, I’m not talking your garden variety office party where people are sipping drinks, still talking business while doing the side to side shuffle to bad music. I’m talking about a dance floor that could have been in any club in NYC. Dying to know which ladies danced all night? Oh yeah, it was the moms! Big ups to the mommy club gettin’ down! Suffice it to say there are photographs and probably even some video floating around. Bribes have been paid to keep these out of public consumption.

While I totally respect and admire the women in my mom’s generation, there’s something amazing about being a mom in a time when it’s OK to still have strong connections with friends and colleagues, to still do the things that you loved to do when you were you and not just mom. At the end of the day, we all still missed our kids. But, I’m sure if you asked any one of these moms, having the opportunity to have the best of both worlds helps us to strike that work-life balanced that keeps us happy, healthy and loving moms.

I Heart Apple

I’m not an Apple snob. I’ve never looked down my nose at PC users and I’m getting a little weary of the Apple commercials featuring that guy that Drew Barrymore used to date. Lest you think I’m lying, I present Exhibit A. For 7 years I have owned an IMac G4 that limps along so badly that it now crashes each time I try to look at a Google Map. Exhibit B is my 2GB IPod Nano that literally does not contain a song released after 2007 because I ran out of memory long ago.

I hate being forced into buying something new just because of a new operating system or because a company makes the older version so prehistoric that you literally feel like a loser for even carrying it around. So, it was with more than a little trepidation that I approached buying a new IMac for the family. I am, however, overjoyed to report (yes, I used the word overjoyed) that the experience from soup to nuts was amazing.

First, no pressure; no swarming sales people, no annoying people talking that annoying techie talk, thinking they can confuse with promises of RAM, fast processors or new ways to enhance my kids photos (yes, I did bring them with me, all of them). There was simply a lovely, twenty something girl that walked me through everything I needed to know. She then asked if I wanted my data transferred. I sheepishly pulled out my 20 ton artifact and said, yes, I would love it if she could move all of my stuff over. No problem, she said. I raised an eyebrow. Sign on the dotted line and a tech would be more than happy to help me.

When I got home, I took the monitor/CPU out of the box, plugged it into the wall, attached the USB for the keyboard to the monitor and voila! Everything was just how I left it – all of my pictures now available on their souped up version of IPhoto, all of my music ready to sync with my new IPod touched (so I splurged a little…). They even transferred over my screensaver and saved all of my bookmarks from Safari! If you think I was happy, Paul was over the moon. He thought a new computer meant the slow death march of having to learn how to do things over again. He even stayed up late making new playlists!

So, no, I won’t be carving an Apple symbol into the back of my son’s head or sticking Apple stickers on the back of my car. But, I will sing their praises to anyone that wants their computer purchase served with a side of gloriously easy.

The Giving Tree Jersey Style

The Giving Tree was the first book I bought for Max. It’s pretty ratty now from being passed down from child to child after being chewed, ripped, stained and read a gazillion times. We sat out on the porch the other night and had Max read the book to Paulina, Aidan and Natalie. When Max finished the story, I asked the kids what they thought the story meant.

Paulina continued playing with the Citronella candle on the table. Aidan was busy trying to launch himself from Paul’s lap. Natalie seemed to be paying attention but didn’t really offer an answer. Max said, “It’s about a tree that loved a boy.” I then asked, “In the end, do you really think the tree was happy?” They both nodded.

Paul looked up from trying to hold on to Aidan and said, “Why would the tree be happy? That boy never did a freakin’ thing for that tree. Not even give it water!” Max looked up and said, “That’s true.” Paul continued, “That tree gave and gave until it was a shriveled up trunk and still the boy came looking for something. Kids, unless you are willing to give back, don’t go around asking for favors. And, please don’t wait 20 years to do it. Look at the picture of that guy. He waited like 20 years every time to go visit that tree. The story should be renamed The Taking Boy.”

I’ve never quite seen The Giving Tree from that perspective, but it certainly puts a new spin on it.

At least Alaskans have something to celebrate...

Oh Sarah Palin, why can’t you just go away? You’ve taken the cover of Time magazine, yet again, and for what? Quitting your job? If the GOP really feels that you are their messiah for 2012 then they have not only become irrelevant, they moved to the crazy column. At the very least the people of Alaska can breathe a tiny sigh of relief.

No matter how you slice it, quitting it lame. Not getting her agenda accomplished? More time with the kids (wasn’t she the one that went back to work, by choice, a week after having her youngest)? More time to strategize her maverick plan to take the White House? None of these reasons is enough to abandon the constituents who voted her in office, nor is there any true excuse for someone who is a wife, a mother, a daughter and an ambitious politician to use quitting as a stepping stone for a future built on a house of cards. Another lame move for one of the most visible women in politics…

Natalie Crushin' on a Werewolf

Settling into a new house can feel like a never ending process; finding the perfect spot for the take out menus, choosing and hanging curtain rods, figuring out how to fit too many plugs into too few outlets, organizing the baking utensils from the serving utensils from the grilling utensils (OK, so maybe it’s only maddening for OCD people like me). One of the things I do enjoy is hanging pictures. A house doesn’t feel like a home until you have photos of the ones you love surrounding you.

Paul and I decided to give the kids a little latitude in choosing what they wanted to hang on their bedroom walls. Max was easy, he asked us to find him a Star Wars (the Clone Wars) or a Bakugan (newest kiddie craze…little plastic balls that open up when you drop them on a playing card partially made of metal, who knew?) poster. Natalie said she didn’t know until we stepped into an FYE store. Before her Nanay (my mother) left last week for a visit, Natalie had a melt down in the airport so my mother did what any self-respecting grandmother would do, slipped her a twenty and said everything was gonna be just fine. Natalie had been holding on to that crinkled twenty since she left last Thursday.

As I perused the 2 CD’s for $20 section, Natalie grabbed my hand and led me over to a poster bin. She handed me the twenty, pulled out a poster of Jacob the werewolf from book series Twilight and asked if she could buy it! Color me shocked but I didn’t think tween idolatry would start at 6! Jonas Brother I get, fascination with a boy that plays a werewolf borders on a little nutty, but I go with it.

Lest you think I’m a Twilight hater, I have to cop to the fact that I absolutely loved reading the series. Natalie would walk up and ask what I was reading and I would tell her it’s a story about a girl who loves a vampire. She was hooked! Why does she love the vampire? Does the vampire want to suck her neck? Are they gonna get married? I never explained the love triangle between Bella, Edward and Jacob until the movie came out on DVD, and then she was even more fascinated.

I am clearly so not prepared for this stage. I’m not saying that I think that she fantasizes about marrying Jacob, or does she? Regardless, I never dreamed my daughter would choose as her first poster an actor that plays a werewolf in a teen romance novel. Wait until I tell her Nanay what that guilt money bought!

Never Say Can't!

It’s hard to coach your kid when he can legitimately look at you and say, “You can’t so why should I?” I can’t swim. I haven’t been in the ocean for more than a decade and rarely will step foot in a pool. It’s not irrational fear of sharks or that the chlorine will ruin my hair, I just never learned and don’t really want to now. OK, so I’m a little fearful of sharks but I digress.

So, all of my kids love the water. They could seriously stay in for 6 hours without a single break (only coming out for forced bathroom breaks by mean mommy because peeing in a pool is just nasty!). The twins can dog paddle with lots of safety gear on. Natalie has gone in the deep end this summer and Max, well Max can swim circles around me and probably everyone in my family. Paul has just started teaching him to dive, something I never learned how to do.

Paul starts by saying, “Hands above your head. Just think, hands and head in first, feet last.” The first couple of times, Max did it perfectly. The third time, he hesitated, belly flopped and spooked himself. So, several times yesterday he stood on the diving board with his hands in the air while I tried encouraging him from the safety of deck (surrounded by 4 Citronella candles, damn these mosquitos!). A few times he turned around and said, “I can’t mom.” Ever the optimist I said, “Yes you can! Don’t say can’t. Never say can’t!” He just looked at me with those eyes that said, “Get your butt out of your shady citronella fortress and show me!” What do you say to those eyes?

Wanna Buy a Cow?

My friend bought one quarter of a grass fed cow. She and her friends in Reno are endeavoring to eat more healthy so they’ve co-purchased a cow (this is her second one, the first one cost her less than $2.30 per pound) and she explained that the meat that she gets is delicious and hormone free. She then has a freezer full of porterhouse steaks, tri-tip, ground beef, flank steak, etc. She has also started a garden coop where she and her friends plant vegetables, take turns rotating soil, pulling weddings, watering, etc and then share the spoils of the harvest.

All I can say is how cool? I marvel at people that actually take the initiative to do something about the unhealthy state of the food that we ingest and hope that our bodies and the bodies of our children don’t fail us. I also think about my great grandmother who lived to be 116. No, that is not a typo and no she wasn’t in the Guinness Book of World Records. Honest to God, my mother’s grandmother was 116 when she died. She never ingested medication, no aspirin, no antibiotics, just tea, ginger root and some herbs from her garden. She ate fruits and vegetables she planted and harvested pesticide free before it was en vogue to do so. She probably led a blissfully stress-free life; no worries about nuclear proliferation, global warming, dirty politicians, bankrupt states, a sagging economy or failing 401Ks.

Other than higher prices, which if you ask most people is a pretty big deterrent; it is possible to take bigger steps to eating healthy. I have switched to organic eggs, lemonade, pasta, chicken, fruit and even some snacks like crackers and cookies. I am sure it is not enough. Though it seems a little crazy, I actually do think I’m going to investigate buying a grass fed cow of my own. Any takers?