Colin Powell Saved My Sanity

One of my best friends scolded me this week for my shameful reaction to my son earning an F on his report card. I deserved every bit of the criticism. When I opened his report card, I went berserk. It was the classic not guilty “by reason of mental disease or defect” moment that is described on all of the Law & Order shows. The walls started closing in, my ears started ringing, I started saying things I’m too ashamed to repeat (thank God Max was still at school). I blamed my heavy travel schedule, too much TV, my husband, the school, my long commute, his DS, too many Oreos, Cartoon Network, winter, moving to NJ!

As usual, my husband told me to calm down. “He’s in second grade. He’s not applying for colleges next year. What’s the big deal?” OK, it was ON! My breaking point was coming and in my head I was preparing my legal defense for throwing a big object at his head. “You better calm down before Max comes home. You’re going to scare him and he’s going to hate school.” Checkmate! I knew that my own baggage of being a perfectionist was totally coloring the situation. Layered on top of that, it underscored that all of my children were not going to be like me; a neurotic self-starter that was too afraid to bring anything less than a B home to my strict parents.

The grade was a result of him not completing a writing journal. I asked him why he didn’t finish it. He told me that “writing is too hard.” I could hear myself subconsciously channeling my father with stories of striving to be the best and not giving up just because something is hard. He looked at me, nervous and on the verge of tears. My disappointment was filling up every inch of space in the room. My husband came to the doorway and ushered him out. I’ve been uneasy all summer. I could not reconcile my need to get my kids to make education a primary focus while also giving them a chance to have a balanced, neurosis-free childhood.

Colin Powell did the full hour on Larry King last night. On the segment, he talked about being a poor student and having his family constantly push him to do well in school. He said that his family expected him to go to college, it was not a discussion. He reluctantly enrolled at New York City College and graduated with a 2.0. He earned his highest grades in ROTC (Reserve Officers’ Training Corps) and upon recognizing his talent for strategic planning, problem solving and leadership, he joined the military. He went on to become the first African American on the Joint Chiefs of Staff, National Security Advisor and most recently Secretary of State. Not bad for a mediocre student. The interview gave me the much needed perspective that I’ve been searching for all summer. Motherhood. You never know where the next teachable moment will come from.