Deathgrips and Older Sibling Syndrome

Being the oldest sibling in a large family can really blow sometimes. Yes, you are the oldest, so you get that fleeting few years (or months in some cases) of getting the undivided attention from your parents. But, then the circus comes to town and nothing is ever quite the same. Since I’m not an oldest child, but the middle kid from a family of four siblings, I was always on the receiving end of, “Hold your sisters hand. Keep an eye on your brothers and sisters while I run to the store. Grab a diaper for me. Hold your sisters jacket. Take your sister to the bathroom.” No wonder my brother used to put the death grip on my hand when he walked me across the street.

Yesterday, I saw another oldest sibling caught in the middle of childhood and family duty. I was in an airport bathroom in St. Louis waiting in line for a stall when I noticed a little girl, not more than 6 years-old, carrying what looked like about an 18 month-old toddler. She was holding her like I would my own kids, shushing her and rocking back and forth in the mommy-rock trying to get the baby to calm down. A few minutes later, her mother and three other young children emerged from the handicap stall. Classic oldest sibling scenario.

It did not dawn on me how much we relied on my son Maxwell to help us with the other children until yesterday. I told him I was going downstairs to grab my briefcase and asked him to keep an eye on the twins. He looked at me and said, “You just asked me to practice guitar and now I have to watch the twins, again. It’s not fair. I’m always watching the twins.” There was no rebuttal, no witty remark mixed with Jedi-mind trick flair that I could come up with. I only looked at him and said, “I’ll just be a couple of minutes and then you can show me what you learned at your lesson.”

Yes, Maxwell does get the short end of the stick in many situations but he also gets to go on the big boy rides at Disneyland, stay up later, swim in the deep end of the pool, play videogames, see Marvel comic movies and sometimes even spend the night at his cousins’ house. So yes, I acknowledge that sometimes he’s forced to be the third parent but like all other older siblings, he just has to deal with it, and sometimes, hopefully not often, enjoy giving one of his siblings the death grip when he walks them across the street.