Born with aggression?

During Max’s first regular season football game, the opposing team’s running back turned the corner and made a break for his end zone. Max crossed the field, along with a pack of his team mates, and looked as though they had the angle on him to save the touch down. My heart raced as I watched Max get there first and hoped he would get low and tackle him. A few feet short of the runner, he slowed down and I watched as his two team mates took the runner down. Paul looked at me, shook his head and said, “You know, this is your fault.”

As the oldest of four kids, Max has spent his entire life hearing me tell him to be gentle. It’s true that he has never been encouraged to be aggressive in any way and my nagging has obviously influenced the way he plays football. After the game, I asked him why he slowed down. He told me he wanted to give the tackling opportunity to his team mates. Paul looked at me, gripped the steering wheel and said, “Next time, he’ll probably pat him in the ass as he runs into the end zone.”

Later that night, I sat down with Max and asked him if he liked playing defense. “Yeah, mom, I’m just learning to be a beast.” He seemed nervous, like he knew that the conversation in the car caused some tension between me and his father. “Did dad talk to you about the game?” “Yes, mom. He told me I need to be more aggressive.”

After watching him practice and play for a month, I wonder if children can actually learn to be aggressive or if it’s something you’re either born with or not.