Hard Habit to Break

I am your garden variety girl scout. I don’t smoke, rarely drink, never let my car registration expire and have never shop lifted a thing in my life. My husband thinks my lack of vices will someday make me go on some kind of bad girl binge where I’ll end up in Reno in some seedy hotel room covered in tattoos and wreaking of last night’s tequila shots (pardon me while I pull my eyeballs back from rolling so far up into my skull, I thought they’d never reappear). Don’t worry; I’m much too much of a control freak for any of that to happen.

The one vice I cannot seem to break is buying women’s fashion and beauty magazines. Just like any other female, I am always curious to know, are there really bathing suits to fit every body, are there really 30-minute meals that my kids will love, can you really get catwalk chic for under $50 and what does Kate Winslet really think about her wrinkles (don’t you just love that girl?).

Unfortunately, the sum total experience of buying and reading these magazines is that while you do sometimes come across interesting articles, you are subliminally reminded on every page about someone else’s ideal of beauty. Having lived on this earth for 38 years, I can tell you that I’ve spent more than half of those years with internalized dislike for my appearance because I didn’t fit the standard of beauty that I was seeing everywhere; TV, magazines, billboards, movies and the Internet.

The other day my 6 year-old daughter asked me if I could put some powder on her cheeks. I told her, “You are too beautiful for make-up!” (Yes, it was a very McDonald’s commercial moment). After thinking about what I said she asked, “How old do I have to be before I can wear make-up?” Cut to me being on a slippery slope! How big of a hypocrite would I have to be to tell my daughter that she’ll never need make-up?

I didn’t use more than a little lip gloss until I was almost 27. It wasn’t that I wasn’t curious or I didn’t want to wear it but having grown up with strict parents, I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up and by the time I was on my own, I guess I just couldn’t be bothered (to this day I really don’t know how to put on eye shadow, pathetic I know). When I finally made an appointment at Sax for my first all-over make-up application, I left feeling that I looked like an Asian Trannie getting ready to do some kind of cabaret show.

I’ve since made my peace with wearing make-up and apply just enough to cover the 38 years that are becoming more and more obvious on my face. I hope I can make my two daughters feel so beautiful that they won’t feel the need to wear make-up until they absolutely have to. Best case scenario is that they’ll learn that no matter what the magazines say, beauty on the inside will always win out over what’s on a magazine cover. If not, I’ll be at their first make-up application appointment and make sure they don’t leave the counter looking like RuPaul.