The Tao of The Outsiders

Last week my perennially cheerful son came home with puffy eyes and had his hoodie pulled on like the Unibomber. After a little coaxing, he told me that some kids in his class told everyone that he farted and that after ceaseless taunting; he “accidentally started crying.”

Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I turn into a homicidal maniac when anyone messes with my brood. While I secretly wanted to hunt down these demon children and open a can of whoop-ass, I had to count to ten and try to find a way to make this a teachable moment for him. First, I told him that the kids that were making fun of him were not being nice (so wanted to drop the A-bomb!) and that it doesn’t matter what they said. Words are just words and their opinion shouldn’t matter. I also told him that it was OK that he cried, but that next time he should try to count to ten and then just ignore them.

Feeling very proud of myself for being so mature, I left for the grocery store to pick-up last minute pot roast fixings. When I got back, my husband was washing dishes and my son was at the kitchen table doing his homework. “How is Max?” I asked. “Fine,” my husband said, “I took care of it.” “Took care of what?” I asked. “I talked to him about the whole farting and crying thing,” he said. Oh Sweet Jesus! “What did you tell him?” I asked. “I told him the next time a kid made fun of him, to punch him right in the face!” He went on to explain that once Max got the reputation for being a guy that punches first and asks questions later, no one would ever mess with him again, or with any of his younger siblings for that matter.

Now, Paul and I are not in synch about much but what we are normally good at is being on-message and consistent with the kids. It was hard to know what to do next so I just went into the kitchen and sat down next to him. After talking to him about his math homework, I asked him if he talked to Daddy about what happened at school. He said, “Yeah, and he told me to punch them in the face next time, except for the girls.” There was an awkward pause and then I told him that it probably wasn’t a good idea to punch a kid for making fun of him. He just rolled his eyes and kept on adding and subtracting.

The next day he came home from school without a care in the world. I asked him about the kids that made fun of him and he acted as if he had no memory of the incident. Hopefully, he will have this same lapse of memory recalling his father’s advice.

NOTE: In case you were wondering, my husband is the guy on the far right of this photo.