OK, so I get it, positive reinforcement helps a child know when they are doing something you want them to do. We do it everyday. When a child comes home with a good grade on a test we say “good job!” When a child scores a goal at a soccer game we yell “Way to go!” But when did we go from the occasional “great job!” to literally cheerleading for every little thing they do? When did it become normal for a child to expect a toy just for finishing their meal at a fast-food restaurant? When did returning a toy that doesn’t belong to you become a reason to give someone a citizenship award?
I’m guilty of positive reinforcement on steroids. I launch into a full-scale cheerleading chant when my 2 year-old daughter sits on the toilet to attempt #2. When my oldest daughter cleans up her room without being asked I quite literally will do a touch down dance in the hallway. A month ago, I nearly lost my voice when my son brought home 105% on a spelling test (though he spelled recycle wrong, he got extra points for spelling engineer and guitar).
My parents are old school Filipinos. There were no touchdown dances, high-fives, sticky gold stars and bathroom chants during my childhood. When my brother scored three touchdowns playing Varsity football as a junior in high school, my father would ask him why he didn’t score four. When I brought home all A’s my father would ask why not all A+’s. My brother once won an art contest in school and though he brought home a ribbon and was featured in the local newspaper, there was no accompanying party or spontaneous wave done at the dinner table.
Surely there must be a happy medium between no reaction, modest reaction and full-scale arena style cheering to keep a child motivated and let them know that you think what they’re doing is pretty terrific. While I know my kids appreciate my enthusiasm, will my touchdown dances, chants and woo-hoo’s become so regular that when the big things occur, graduation, winning the Pulitzer (It’s OK to dream!), getting their first job, the impact will be less special?
I’m guilty of positive reinforcement on steroids. I launch into a full-scale cheerleading chant when my 2 year-old daughter sits on the toilet to attempt #2. When my oldest daughter cleans up her room without being asked I quite literally will do a touch down dance in the hallway. A month ago, I nearly lost my voice when my son brought home 105% on a spelling test (though he spelled recycle wrong, he got extra points for spelling engineer and guitar).
My parents are old school Filipinos. There were no touchdown dances, high-fives, sticky gold stars and bathroom chants during my childhood. When my brother scored three touchdowns playing Varsity football as a junior in high school, my father would ask him why he didn’t score four. When I brought home all A’s my father would ask why not all A+’s. My brother once won an art contest in school and though he brought home a ribbon and was featured in the local newspaper, there was no accompanying party or spontaneous wave done at the dinner table.
Surely there must be a happy medium between no reaction, modest reaction and full-scale arena style cheering to keep a child motivated and let them know that you think what they’re doing is pretty terrific. While I know my kids appreciate my enthusiasm, will my touchdown dances, chants and woo-hoo’s become so regular that when the big things occur, graduation, winning the Pulitzer (It’s OK to dream!), getting their first job, the impact will be less special?
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so true! it's like little league now gives out trophies to EVERY team - somewhere along the way they have to learn you don't always come in first.
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